It's Harder To Say Goodbye Than Save The World
by Kaatsukii
Summary: Harry and Ron are forced to leave the people they love to save the world from the fate that Voldemort is trying to bestow upon them. Who would have thought that it's not saving the world that's the hardest thing, it's leaving everything you love?
1. Will He, Won't He?

**Author's Note: This is a short two chapter ficlet, which if accepted well, will have a follow-up fanfiction. For now, enjoy!**

**Kaat xx**

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Perfection. That was the only word for him. He was only a few feet away but yet she couldn't touch him. She so sorely wanted to. She wanted to be his. He was alone right now. No one else would know if she professed her feelings right now. Right now.

_No._ She thought miserably, thinking of the damage it might cause to their friendship. Or worse, his relationship with his girlfriend. She loved him yes, with all of her heart. But she didn't think that she could bear being the cause of his happy relationship breaking down.

But she really didn't want to fight these feelings. She wanted them to consume her and allow her to finally love him, as she wanted to. She wanted him to love her back, be there for her. Care for her. But he never would be. Never. Though he had never said it, she believed that he only thought of her as a friend, or worse yet, as a sister. Her eyes brimmed at the thought of having absolutely no chance of having a future with him and she tried not to break down as she continued to walk alongside the bookcase.

Friends, how could he see it that way? How? Did he never notice that her gaze always lingered a little longer on him that it ever did on anyone else? That she looked at his hand just inches from her when they sat near each other and her longing to move her hand a little further and rest it atop his own. Just to show him somehow. Someway. But he wasn't hers to love that way. She could only love him from afar. Like a stalker. That thought revolted her and though she'd tried so many times to get her mind off him and think about others. For Merlin's sake, she'd even tried liking that Slytherin git, but even his Quidditch toned body hadn't been enough to lure her eyes away from her loved one. Though it had come pretty close.

**She was sitting in the library, her imagination running away with her. She was trying so hard not to think the one she loved, but the one she despised. Quite frankly, it was hard work. She couldn't bring herself to think of the Slytherin that way, as much as it might bring her release from her infatuation with her best friend. She was concentrating so hard that she didn't notice the very person she loved coming up behind her. So when he spoke, she was startled so badly that she dropped the book she was pretending to read.**

"**Hey bookworm, you ok...Ow!" He stopped mid-question to react to the book that had just been flung into his face. He winced as it hit the floor with a loud bang and earned him a vicious glare off Madam Pince. The girl sitting at the table smiled sheepishly and his trademark anger melted as he sat down beside her.**

"**What were you reading that got you in such a daze?" **

"**A book on Herbology." She answered quickly, not noticing that the boy had in fact bent down to look at the book she had been reading and a puzzled look crossed his face as he replied, "This book's about Quidditch History. What were you really thinking about?" The girl looked a bit afraid now, apprehensive even. She didn't want to tell him what she was thinking about, that was bad enough. But she knew after she told him, he'd ask why she was thinking about that and wouldn't relent – as was his way – until he got a decent answer. **

"**I'm waiting." Usually the girl would have been able to think on her feet, but in this situation, so soon after being frightened half to death, she couldn't quite think straight. She sighed to give herself a little more time to think and she caught his impatient face and sighed. She knew his trademark temper was about to be unleashed unless he got a decent answer soon. She decided to use her initial problem to her advantage and twisted the truth a little.**

"**Padma has a guy problem so she came to me for help. I decided to do a little bit of reading whilst thinking about it, but became more absorbed in thinking about Padma's problem." She spoke so quickly that she wasn't 100 that he had heard it. His blank face was beginning to worry her...until he burst out into hysterical laughter.**

"**Padma...asked YOU...for help...with a guy!" The mirth in the boy's voice was evident and the girl got up immediately and started to walk away. Ron caught the hurt that was clear in her eyes, as was the glazed impression that meant she was close to tears. He sobered immediately and reached out for her wrist, tugging it slightly to stop her from walking. It worked, but not in the way the boy had hoped. She spun to face him, but to his dismay, he found the hurt gone, replaced by a much more familiar emotion to himself – anger.**

"**What is your problem Ronald! You think that just because I study a lot and don't associate with many boys outside you and Harry doesn't mean that I don't have guy problems and know how to deal with them! I'm nearly seventeen in case you hadn't noticed Ron AND I'M FEMALE!" Realising that she had indulged to Ron that it was in fact SHE with the guy problem, she tugged her wrist away from his grasp and stormed towards the door, not wanting to meet his gaze in fear she would tell all.**

"**Who is it?" **

**She stopped, both of them ignoring Madam Pince's yells to keep their voices down.**

"**It's you." She replied quietly so he didn't hear her, her back to him as she walked out of the library, leaving him shouting her name before being given a week's detention by the angry librarian.**

As that bittersweet memory faded, she remembered how he'd bugged her for days, trying to get it out of her. Eventually she had told him that she had had a crush on a fourth year Hufflepuff in third year, just to get him off her back. She had asked Lavender and the other girls in her dormitory and had asked them all for help, so she had a little knowledge on the subject. Obviously being around Harry and Ron had helped her learn as well. He seemed to have taken that as a decent answer and that was the end of it. Well, for Ron anyway. As she focused on the gentle face before her, she longed to reach out and call his name lovingly and tell him how much she cared. But no. Couldn't happen. Wouldn't happen.

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He had been attempting to start the work set for them over the summer by Professor Sprout, until he'd seen her standing there on the other side of the bookcase. He hadn't realised that anyone else was in the library until he had glanced upwards at the bookcase in front of him, trying to find the book that he needed. But the hunt had ended abruptly when he had seen **her** through a gap on one of the bookshelves. He felt his heart beat faster and his breath caught in his throat. 

_What is she doing here? She told me she couldn't help me because she had to pack. Yet here she is…and why won't my heart slow down?_ He couldn't tear his eyes away. The fact that he had a girlfriend had slipped his mind conveniently at this moment as he took in her beauty until his curiosity got the better of him. He got up slowly, taking care not to let the chair make any noise as it slid across the floor, allowing him to get up and tuck the chair back under the table again. He risked a glance up at her. She had averted her gaze and was deep in thought. He could tell from the way she chewed her lower lip and her eyes were filled with wonderment. She was captivating and he allowed himself a happy sigh as he walked around the bookcase the opposite way to the way she was facing. He was now standing behind her and leaning into her ear, whispering "Boo!" into her left ear. She jumped and whirled, her left hand raised upwards as she span, intending to injure whoever had scared her. However, this boy knew her well and had his right hand up and open, ready to catch her hand.

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She had turned to face the voice ready to strike them, until she had seen **who** it was. They had hold of her wrist and though bad memories came back at the touch, something electrifying surged through her at the same time. She glanced up into her friend's eyes, seeing the same sensation mirrored in them. He let go then, confused and a little afraid. 

"Sorry. I didn't mean to swing at you. Had I known it was you…I wouldn't of."

He smirked a little and replied teasingly.

"Oh I think if you knew it was me dear, you'd have tried to strike all the harder."

She looked mock horrified and smiled despite herself.

"I wouldn't! I wouldn't!"

"I'm sure you would have done. All those times I've gotten you into a terrible huff. I'm sure there's nothing more you'd like to do than swing at me."

The girl looked a bit upset and pouted as she turned to walk away.

"Fine then. You think that."

This movement distressed him and in an effort to keep her with him, he caught her wrist as it went behind her as she walked.

"…Herm?"

She spun to face him, and noticed in his eyes something he wanted so desperately to share.

"Yes?" Her eyes were shining, the anticipation almost killing her. But her heart fell as he looked down for a moment and shaking his head, lifted his head back up to look her square in the eyes, the feeling that he had something to share gone.

"It's nothing Hermione. Nothing." He beamed at her but she was broken inside. She managed a small smile and then nodded.

"Alright. I've got to go finish packing now. Bye." She managed that small sentence before she walked away, hands coming to up to her face in despair.

_Does he? Doesn't he? What's the use in hoping anymore?_

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Harry was waiting at the platform for both Hermione and Ron and was disappointed to find that both were late. Yet a little hope filled him that it had finally happened. 

"If they don't hurry up, we're not going to get a compartment." He grumbled to himself and sighing. He kicked his trunk half-heartedly, tears forming in his eyes. He was still trying to get over the death of Hogwarts' beloved Headmaster and it was proving to be very difficult than he first thought. He had grown very close to the man who had almost resembled a father to him. Like Sirius.

Harry bit his lip and closed his eyes to stop the tears from coming. He couldn't let his friends see him cry. He had hardened his resolve. He wasn't coming back next year and he knew that if he let everything get to him now, he wouldn't be able to leave Hogwarts. Wouldn't be able to give up his career for all those who couldn't stop Voldemort. He was the only one who could. And yet that didn't fill him with pride or wonderment. It filled him with fear. That he was the only one who could defeat Voldemort at the end of it all. Sure he could have help finding the Horcruxes, but no one could help him at the end of it all. He was alone and felt small and insignificant. He wasn't afraid of Voldemort. He had fought with the wizard too often to be afraid of him. No, he was afraid of failing his friends and dying at the hands of Voldemort, knowing that Voldemort would die, but his followers would win. That he wouldn't be able to take.

Harry was deep in thought when Hermione came up behind him and touched him on the shoulder lightly, causing him to jump and startle both of them.

"Harry! I'm so sorry!"

Recognising the voice and finally glad of some company so that he wouldn't have to spend any longer in his private reverie, he turned to face the young witch and smiled at her gently. He placed his left hand over hers on his shoulder whilst taking her trunk off her with his right, as it was apparent she was struggling with it. She smiled her thanks as he placed the trunk on the floor and smiled back at her sadly.

"You ok Hermione? You look like you've been crying."

Hermione winced at the last word and tried to mask it – badly – and shook her head fervently.

"I'm fine. I haven't been crying. I just haven't been getting much sleep lately."

"That's a lie outright Hermione and you and I both know it."

Hermione looked at Harry with pleading and he sighed, temporarily giving up.

"Thanks Harry. We should get on the train now."

Harry looked quite surprised and then looked over Hermione's left shoulder curiously.

"Ron?"

Hermione's eyes burned at the mere mention of the red-haired boy's name and Harry knew instantly that she had been lying earlier. He opened his mouth to speak to her, to tell her to end it all and just tell him. It wasn't exactly a well-kept secret.

He'd known from the end of second year, when Hermione had come back for the first time after recovering from the half-paralysis that the Basilisk had put her in. Harry had greeted her with open arms, like any friend would have done. But Ron, Ron...The Weasley's eyes had reflected a relief and they didn't do anything more than shake hands, but Harry had seen it in Ron's eyes. He liked Hermione...a lot. But both of them seemed to either miss it or be in very strong denial. He hadn't exactly encouraged it, but was less than impressed with Ron's decision to date Lavender in the just gone by year. He had made his opinion known to Ron numerous times in their dormitory, which had resulted in many arguments between the two. And they often ended with the question from Ron**; "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't date Lavender, Harry and I'll drop her!"** At this, Harry always stopped and Ron always thought he had won. But Harry knew he could never tell Ron how Hermione felt. It wasn't his place and he hoped one day that one of them would get their act together.

But of course, he didn't voice any of this aloud. He simply awaited a reply off Hermione as it always was. She was losing her composure. Harry nearly lost his temper but she seemed to find herself after a while and smiled weakly at Harry, facing him once more.

"We should wait for Ron I guess."

Harry sighed lightly and Hermione looked at him curiously.

"You get on the train and find a compartment Herm. I'll be with you in a second."

She smiled, taking her case off him and dragging it along the floor and Harry turned to face her for a moment, sighing in slight exasperation.

"Oh and Herm?"

She stopped and turned to face her friend once more. "Yes Harry?"

"Use Wingardium Leviosa and save yourself a lot of hassle."

Hermione looked embarrassed for a moment, before whipping out her wand and casting aforementioned spell on her trunk, which now glided easily through the air alongside her as she boarded the train. With one last glance at Harry, she boarded and left him alone once more, awaiting Ron's arrival.

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**Fin Chapter I**

Preview of Chapter II: _As the train started to pull away, Ron saw something that would break his heart - permanently. Hermione was looking through the glass window of her compartment, which was directly over Harry's left shoulder. Her mouth was hanging open in surprise, but her eyes shined with desperate tears. She finally managed to find the movement in her mouth again and mouthed, 'Why? Ron...Why?'. Ron was stunned and couldn't reply until Harry met his eyes._

_"Harry..." Ron pointed behind Harry and the boy turned to face Hermione, his eyes reflecting his distress at Hermione, who looked helpless behind the glass._


	2. We Saved Her

**Author's Note: This is a short two chapter ficlet, which if accepted well, will have a follow-up fanfiction. For now, enjoy!**

**Kaat xx**

**P.S. Thanks to Nothanksnoname for pointing out my glamour error. and Harry and Ron just want Hermione to have a normal life. and you know that Neville always turns up at the wrong place at the wrong time i.e. Philosopher's Stone.**

**Arigato for your imput :D**

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Ron had been in turmoil since he had seen Hermione in the library earlier that day. He couldn't stop thinking about her and as he made his way down to the station by Hogwarts alone – without Harry or Hermione – he realised that he couldn't be with Lavender any longer. She wasn't the one he loved. She never was. He was still trying to get his head around why he'd dated her in the first place when he saw Harry at the bottom of the stairs that led down to the platform that would take him home again. He thought as it finally sunk in that next year was his last year with Harry and Hermione. His eyes twitched slightly, trying to stop the tears flooding out. Harry was leaving with them both before the start of seventh year. Harry let out a harsh laugh as he mentally corrected himself. Hermione wasn't coming, that Harry had made sure of. But Harry wasn't going alone. Ron's eyes pricked with tears as he remembered that conversation with Harry that would leave them all of them heartbroken and in the end, alone.

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**Harry had been alone in the Gryffindor Common Room when Ron had came down the stairs to speak with him. He'd asked him as soon as Hermione was out of sight at lunchtime that day and Ron had been confused since then. But when Harry turned to face Ron after being sitting on the couch for so long, Ron's heart stopped dead. Harry's eyes were sunk, and their usual sparkle was gone, he was so thin and Ron gasped in fright before putting a hand to his forehead.**

"**Mate...what happened? What?" The red-haired boy babbled slightly and Harry, despite himself, grinned a little at the boy's reaction. He could see the underlying worry quite clearly but he found the way the boy brought it across almost comical. But the grin quickly disappeared as Harry realised he had to explain himself.**

"**Nothing's happened Ron. Nothing. I've been like this since the end of second year. I've been using a glamour since it started to keep it from everyone. It's only got really bad in the past few years, particularly after I lost Sirius. I can't fall apart and I couldn't let anyone know. I'm the one that everyone has their faith in to save them from Voldemort. Well not everyone, but you get the idea. So you can imagine the reactions at seeing 'The Boy Who Lived' their saviour, a broken shell of his former self. So I used a glamour and tried with all my might to keep it up all the time. There were times when it failed me of course, like when Voldemort attacked me at the end of the Triwizard Tournament, and when Ginny was being attacked by Him in the Chamber of Secrets. Times when no one who actually believed in me could see me and I could focus my strength on saving those who needed me rather than those who want me to be some super boy." Harry stopped talking and Ron just stared, his mouth opening and closing in shock. Then, much to Ron's surprise as well as Harry's, he ran to his best friend and enveloped him in a bear hug. Harry was still transfixed in mute shock as Ron pulled away and frowned at his best friend.**

"**Why did you decide to tell me now mate?" Ron asked, slightly bewildered. **

"**I'm going after the Horcruxes and I don't want you to be shocked mid battle if the glamour fails and you see the real me for the first time." **

"**We're going after the Horcruxes Harry. Me, you and Herm..."**

"**Just me and you Ron. Just us." **

**Ron nearly spluttered as Harry interrupted him, informing him that Hermione would not be coming with them. He was torn between relief and despair. Relief that she would be safe from whatever came their way, but despair at not being able to protect her at what might come her way, not being able to be by her side.**

"**When did this come about Harry?" **

**Harry frowned and Harry's voice, laced with sorrow, replied, "One of us should have a life, Ron. And who better than Herm?"**

"**But this will kill her! Us leaving her...It will kill her." It will kill me Ron tried to meet Harry's eyes, but the other had been dodging them up until now and wasn't about to stop now.**

"**I know Ron. But I know I'll feel even worse if I watch her die, knowing that we could have saved her, but didn't. That I could have saved her." As the tears that had been pushing against Harry's eyes threatened to fall down his face, Ron nodded and hugged his friend tightly once more.**

"**When are we getting on the train then?" Ron asked, his voice muffled by his mouth against Harry's shoulder and Harry sighed in reply.**

"**We're not. We're staying here and then going to Grimmauld's Place to decide what the next step is." **

**Ron nodded awkwardly in reply and then Harry pulled away. **

"**I'm going upstairs to pack. Night Ron." **

"**Night Harry." Ron said as he watched his friend walk to the bottom of the stairs. He was about to follow him, when Harry stopped and turned to face him. **

**"You have to tell her Ron. Don't let her live knowing that the only man that she wanted to love her back does, but he died trying to protect her in the only way he felt he could."**

**Ron blinked once or twice as Harry ascended the staircase and then sat down. Bedazzled as to how Harry knew, he let it slide and waited for a while before going upstairs himself to sleep, having already packed a few hours earlier.**

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He was now clutching to a tiny bit of hope that Harry had not already sent Hermione onto the train and so he could tell her. He had woken up halfway through the night trying to think how to tell her how he felt. At breakfast, he'd tried to get her to come with him to the library, in a vain hope of telling her before he left her forever. When she had said she had to pack, he despaired. So much so that he'd gone directly to Lavender then and told her that they couldn't see each other anymore, hoping to spur some reaction out of Hermione, it had failed but Lavender demanded an explanation. He said that he couldn't be there for her anymore, before storming out of the Great Hall in annoyance and upset, trying not to cry until safely outside, where Hermione couldn't see him. However, he got a second chance when she had come to the library but as the moment came to tell her, it slipped away as he lost his nerve, not wanting to lose her so quickly after having her. He'd failed himself and Hermione. He'd make sure she knew before he left, or before he died.

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As he reached Harry, he saw the raven-haired boy's eyes fail him at once when he caught sight of Ron and Ron saw the weariness there and the strain and he instantly knew that Hermione had been told to go on ahead. Harry managed a weak smile and Ron waved it away in an instant.

"Don't pretend mate. It was hard enough watching you do it this morning, knowing the truth and all."

Harry's smile immediately fell away and he felt the tears roll down his face and Ron sighed, his face almost as crestfallen as Harry's own.

"She's on the train isn't she?"

Harry's eyes flashed with surprise and momentary confusion.

"Yes why?"

"I didn't tell her Harry."

Harry's face fell and he almost looked angry for a moment.

"Ron! How could you do...never mind, I can see this is killing you already without me going on at you about it."

Ron smiled weakly in appreciation of his friend.

"Thanks mate. I lost that chance, but I'm not going to let her lose the chance we gave her."

The train behind Harry tooted loudly and both boys covered their ears in pain from the sound. As the train started to pull away, Ron saw something that would break his heart - permanently. Hermione was looking through the glass window of her compartment, which was directly over Harry's left shoulder. Her mouth was hanging open in surprise, but her eyes shined with desperate tears. She finally managed to find the movement in her mouth again and mouthed, 'Why? Ron...Why?'. Ron was stunned and couldn't reply until Harry met his eyes.

"Harry..." Ron pointed behind Harry and the boy turned to face Hermione, his eyes reflecting his distress at Hermione, who looked helpless behind the glass.

"She wasn't supposed to see us...Oh Ron!"

Ron has broken into racking sobs and Harry held his friend to him as the boy sobbed on his shoulder as the train – and Hermione – disappeared from view.

"Ron! Harry! Thank heavens I haven't missed the train!" A voice came from behind them both and they swirled to see Neville standing there, just registering Ron's face.

"Oh Ron! We only missed the train. Yet there's no other way home is there?"

Harry shook his head and decided that seeing as Neville wasn't going home, it was only fair to tell him it all.

"No, he's crying because we're leaving everyone today, in particular Hermione."

Neville's face was one of utter acceptance and it stunned Harry.

"I thought this might happen. That's why I hung around a little longer, hoping to miss the train."

Harry, at this point was spluttering incoherently and Ron, though still greatly grieved, had realised that Neville was there.

"How...why...what! Neville!" Harry said in pure surprise. Neville smiled, a little sadly and then spoke.

"I just knew you wouldn't come back next year, but I didn't know what you planned to do, until I overheard you talking to Ron about the Horcruxes. Then I knew you'd be staying with the Order and not going home as you'd originally planned. I decided that even if you weren't taking Hermione with you, I'd stay with you to keep you safe."

Harry was quite angry by this point and exclaimed, "Have you been spying on us Neville!" Neville looked mildly surprised and shook his head.

"No, but I usually hear things I don't want to. Sorry."

Then it finally registered with Harry what he had just said and shook his head at Neville, an apologetic look in his eyes.

"Don't apologise Neville, it's just, well, this is really hard on me – us," He said, motioning to Ron, "And we don't know what's going to happen. Frankly, I'm a little scared."

Neville nodded understandingly. But before anything else could be said between the two boys, Ron spoke up, tired of listening to them both idly bantering when there was work to be done.

"So, are we going to go see McGonagall and or not?" Ron spoke up, having finished crying and sounding thoroughly fed up with everything. Harry sighed in agreement and with a nod of Neville's head, they headed back towards the school, filled with dread, anticipation and loathing for the task they were about to start.

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**FIN CHAPTER II**


End file.
